PADA Artist Residency, Lisbon, Portugal
Last week I was supposed to be in Lisbon starting a PADA Residency, my first significant post-MFA international opportunity. I was beyond excited to be accepted and anticipating the month-long experience, embedded with five other amazing artists, with a mix of excitement, anxiety, and sheer joy.
Early last week began, as for most of us on the planet now, settling further into lockdown and taking steps to be productive, healthy, and grounded. But I also noticed another element: grief. In a world where, so far, everyone I know is ok and I ride the pandemic out from a position of privilege and security, I was not expecting to feel grief—existentially, yes—on a global level there’s much to be sad about. But not this specifically.
There is real loss, though. And loss is loss: canceled opportunities, delayed projects, access cut off to workspaces and support, career momentum brought to a screeching halt, radio silence swapped out for growing enthusiasm for a Big Deal that has taken nearly a year to nurture. These are real losses that for the time being remain out of reach. And the longer our economy is on lockdown, the more difficult it will be for many projects and organizations in the arts to get back on their feet. If at all.
So I want to acknowledge here, to everyone who has had short- and mid-term dreams crushed or indefinitely delayed, that a bit of grief feels appropriate and maybe even useful. It’s helped me to put a finger on it, this feeling beyond disappointment. Yes, I am disappointed. But there’s tangible loss over what is not happening: meaningful income, solo exhibitions, graduations, having to drop out of art school, financial support for opportunities we’ve pursued for years.
Kelly M O’Brien, small study, glass, resin, thread ©2019
I am a glass-half-full girl, ever full of active hope, quick to pivot to a mindset and actions that keep me positive and moving forward. And that is happening now. Yet I think it’s important to acknowledge the scale and nuanced nature of losses happening all around us and to us. My heart goes out to everyone now, with a special shout-out to my fellow artists.
For now, I am paying attention to what I notice and feel at this extraordinary moment. An artist’s role is to absorb, process, channel, and reflect one’s context through our work. We are swimming in ‘context’ these days. It will be fascinating to see how artists and the art world interpret this crucible of change we currently inhabit. Art critic Jerry Saltz puts it well:
We need to play loose, loving, generous, being as creative and as unafraid as possible, adapting to change as it comes and not falling back on old, outmoded, mean, or inapplicable dogmas. We all want to go the distance for what we love. That distance has begun. (Vulture)
Like many artists, I am moved to reach out and support others. To that end, I am involved in two artist-led projects: Artist Support Pledge and Handle With Care: Support for Refugees. Both initiatives compound proceeds from art sales into financial support for precarious others. Artist Support Pledge was created by UK artist Matthew Burrows to foster a culture of generosity among artists. Handle With Care is by my German artist collective CKCK to donate funding for front-line refugee healthcare workers.
There are and will be an abundance of unexpected opportunities coming out of this experience, another blog post for a later time. For now, sending love and support to anyone feeling a bit blue about the non-events and lost opportunities. May you be safe, well, happy, and at peace as we navigate this together.